My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
