How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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