So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
