I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
