Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
