Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize