I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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