you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize