Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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