I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize