Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
