I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
