your thong is hanging out like whoa
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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