She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
