Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
