What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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