so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize