week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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