So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize