So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
