sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
