Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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