My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
