if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
