Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
