Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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