he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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