Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
