I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize