Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
