I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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