we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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