So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
