Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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