I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
