The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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