i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
