so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
