first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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