I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
