So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
