I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
