I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
