my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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