If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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