I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
