I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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