i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
