I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
