i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
