apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
