Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
