I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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