I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
