I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
