i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
