so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
