why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
