do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
