He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
