just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We left the knife in your bed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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